Submission is not weakness.
It’s about choice.
To many of us, it’s one of the most powerful, erotic, and liberating decisions we’ll ever have the opportunity to make.
If you’re experimenting with your sub side, whether you’re just starting out or already well along the way, understanding the why behind your desires is just as important as discovering the how.
Remember: your submission is entirely a gift. Enjoy it, own it, and never apologise for it.
Why do you want to submit?
Let’s start here, because it’s a question you may have asked yourself (or been asked by others).
“Why would a strong, independent woman want to relinquish control?”
The truth? Submission isn’t the absence of strength, it’s the redirection of it. For many of us, being in control all day, at work, in social settings, in decision-making, leaves us craving a space where we can finally let go.
In a power exchange dynamic, your submission is intentional, conscious, and powerful. You’re not submitting because you’re “less than” you’re doing it because it turns you on, fulfils you emotionally, and deepens your connection to your partner.
And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Transcending Shame and Guilt
This is the deal: many of us were brought up thinking it’s dirty, dangerous, or simply wrong to desire sex, especially rough, kinky, or submissive sex.
You probably noticed such things as:
- “Good girls don’t do that.”
- “You’re too much.”
- You should be more modest.
That’s unnecessary baggage you don’t want to carry into your submission.
A decent Dom will let you experience your sexual liberation without judgment. However, listen, you also have a part to play in healing. It begins with honesty, both with yourself and your partner, regarding what you’re interested in, what freaks you out, and what gets you going.
Know Your Limits: and State Them
Quite possibly the most powerful word a submissive can use is “no.”
Not every fantasy or activity is going to be your thing, and that’s totally cool.
Before you explore with a Dom, get extremely clear on your:
- Hard limits – the non-negotiables. (Example: no needle play, no breath play.)
- Soft limits – things you’re not quite sure about, but maybe fine under the right circumstances.
- Desires– what you do (Don’t forget these!)
Use tools like the traffic light system to communicate during play:
- 🟢 Green = All good, keep going.
- 🟠 Amber = Slow down or check in.
- 🔴 Red = Stop immediately.
This isn’t just about safety, it’s about trust.
Submission is Mental, Emotional, and Physical
Yes, the physical part of D/s can be amazing, restraints, spanking, service play, but what makes it meaningful is that there is an emotional undercurrent to it.
For some submissives, the real pleasure is found in:
- Pleasing their Dom.
- Feeling “seen” in their vulnerability.
- The delicious intensity of being led.
For others, it’s all about releasing, going with the flow, and getting into that calm state of existence referred to as subspace.
Wherever you are on that spectrum, just remember: it’s entirely up to you to determine what submission means for you.
Healing Through Submission
Let’s talk real talk.
Most of us come into this lifestyle with insecurities, insecurity about our bodies, about our performance, about our right to desire what we desire.
I’ve had some partners who totally helped me get through that. I’ve also had times when I had to handle that inner stuff on my own.
Such as:
- I used to hate being seen naked. It felt exposing and awkward.
- I was afraid I’d “do it wrong” when it came to certain sex acts.
- I worried my desires were “too much” or “not enough.”
What did work? A partner who created space for conversation. Who didn’t pressure me. Who reminded me I was already enough, even prior to submission.
Yet also, me, choosing to break the silence. To try. To make small movements toward being fully present in my body and desires.
Submission can be a healing path, but only when it is done on the grounds of consent, trust, and communication.
Talk to Your Dom, Even When It’s Hard
You might be reluctant to speak out of turn to your Dom. You might not want to disappoint them, or you might not want to disrupt the dynamic.
But hear me, the point is: a good Dom even values your honesty more than your silence.
Keep checking in. Inform them of the good and the bad. Discuss your new desires, boundaries, concerns, and hopes. Communicating doesn’t kill the vibe, it keeps it thriving.
And if anything ever begins to feel unhealthy, manipulative, or simply really draining, don’t be afraid to say something, speak up or step back.
You absolutely don’t need to cling to something that doesn’t feel safe or consensual.
Submission Is Your Superpower
The more you own your submissive identity, the more empowered you’ll feel, not just in the bedroom, but in life.
Being submissive isn’t about being passive.
It’s not about weakness.
It’s about trusting yourself enough to give your power away, and knowing you can take it back at any time.
So take pride in it.
Explore it.
Question it.
Redefine it as you grow.
Whether you’re the kind of sub who kneels at your Dom’s feet or the kind who prefers emotional surrender during pillow talk, you get to choose your path.
In Summary
To thrive as a submissive:
- Get clear on your limits, desires, and boundaries.
- Let go of shame around your sexuality, at your own pace.
- Speak openly and often with your Dom.
- Remember that submission is a choice, not an obligation.
- Take pride in your strength, softness, and surrender.
Because being a sub isn’t about giving up your power, it’s about discovering a deeper, more connected version of it.
Want to know more? Stay tuned for upcoming posts in which we’ll delve deeper into the world of Domination and submission.
💬 Got questions or want to share your thoughts? Drop a comment or join our forum “The Lobby” — this is a judgment-free zone.