What Is Sub-Frenzy, Anyway?
If you’ve newly found the world of BDSM and feel as though you’ve been struck by a freight train of excitement, urgency, and desire, you may be in the throes of what’s popularly referred to as sub-frenzy.
Sub-frenzy is that intense rush that a lot of new submissives experience when they’re first starting to explore kink. It’s a devouring, near-desperate need to do everything, as soon as possible. Rope? Absolutely. Spanking? Absolutely. Pet play, sensory deprivation, humiliation, electrostimulation, 24/7 protocol? YES.
But here’s the thing: as great as enthusiasm is, sub-frenzy is when that enthusiasm takes a turn into recklessness. It’s not just needing to try kink, it’s needing to do it all now, usually at the cost of safety, common sense, and self-care.
Sub-Frenzy vs. Healthy Enthusiasm: Where’s the Line?
You can definitely be passionate and enthusiastic about wanting to try BDSM. That’s natural. But sub-frenzy goes over the line when enthusiasm gets in the way of judgment.
Consider this:
Enthusiasm speaks, “I’d love to give this a shot. Can I do some research first?”
Sub-frenzy responds, “Go ahead and tie me up and hit me with that thing I’ve never seen! What’s the worst that could happen?
You could be the most enthusiastic novice crocheter, but making too many stuffed toys will not get you into the ER. Kink, on the other hand, can be physically and emotionally demanding. Sub-frenzy can get submissives taking risky behaviours, sometimes with complete strangers, frequently with no thought of protection or aftercare.
How to Identify Sub-Frenzy
Here are a few red flags that you might be deep in the throes of sub-frenzy:
- You’re jumping into scenes with individuals you hardly know.
- You’re playing too much, with no time to recover physically or process emotionally.
- You say yes to everyone and everything, even to things that you are not comfortable with.
- You do not ask questions or set boundaries.
- You meet strangers privately, not informing anyone of where you’re going or whom you’re meeting.
- You’re not allowing yourself time to learn, research, or reflect.
Others refer to this as “candy store syndrome.” You’re the classic kid in the candy store—eyes wide and overstimulated. And though it all appears appetising, too much too quickly can make you ill, overwhelm you, or even put you in harm’s way.
Why Sub-Frenzy Occurs (And Why It Affects Subs Worst)
Sub-frenzy is especially prevalent among submissives for a few important reasons:
1. A Flood of Attention
When a new submissive gets a profile online or goes to a munch, it’s not unheard of to be immediately inundated with offers and messages. Some are polite, others… not so much.
Dominants and tops do not often receive this type of sudden attention. For a lot of submissives, the very number of invitations—particularly from more experienced individuals—can be extremely tempting. And daunting.
2. Endorphins and Emotional Highs
Submissives tend to get extreme physical and emotional “highs” from scenes. Endorphins, dopamine, adrenaline, it all surges through the body, causing feelings of euphoria. And, as with any high, it is addictive. You may seek that feeling even if it means pushing your boundaries in unsafe ways.
Tops don’t usually get that same rush of chemicals, as they’re not getting physical sensation in the same manner. This in itself leaves submissives in a more vulnerable state where judgment is concerned.
3. The Nature of Submission
Submissives tend to want to please. They wish to yield control. Yet lack of experience coupled with the urge to serve may render it difficult to say “no,” ask questions, or negotiate for their own safety.
Let’s be real: submissives are not necessarily weak, or passive. But if you’re inexperienced, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of believing that submission equates to submitting to everything and everyone. (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.)
4. Physical Risk is Greater
Simply put, submissives are more likely to be the ones who get tied up, restrained, blindfolded, flogged, or otherwise placed in vulnerable physical situations. When judgment is clouded by frenzy, the results can be severe or even perilous.
But Can Tops Experience Frenzy, Too?
Absolutely. New dominants can be over-eager, poorly prepared, and too confident. But the nature of sub-frenzy is different, and generally more acute. Why?
Tops have fewer direct chances to play.
They’re less likely to get steady propositions from strangers.
They aren’t the ones who are usually being put into physically vulnerable situations.
But tops are vulnerable—particularly if they play with a submissive who’s in frenzy. A scene can go wrong fast when a frenzied submissive backs out in the middle of play, fails to communicate limits, or blames the top if things don’t go as fantasised. In worst-case scenarios, miscommunications ruin reputations or even result in legal repercussions.
So, What Can You Do About It?
If you see yourself in any of these, don’t despair. Sub-frenzy is normal, and it’s survivable with some caution and a great deal of self-awareness.
1. Educate Yourself
Get started with reading. Understand the language, the dangers, and the protocol. The more you know, the more you can make safer decisions, and recognise red flags.
The mere fact that sub-frenzy is real can allow you to place your experiences into perspective.
2. Build Community Before You Play
Meet other submissives. Get on the internet and join forums, local groups, or go to munches. Be around others who are not attempting to get into your pants but simply there to meet, share, and support.
3. Play with Trusted Friends
If you’re eager to gain some experience, seek out low-risk ways to get your feet wet. Service tops or community dungeons frequently provide safe, supervised areas to experiment without the expectation of intense emotional engagement.
4. Make a Safe Call
Always inform someone where you are going, whom you are meeting, and when they can expect to hear from you. Have a contingency plan. Utilize code words. Trust your instincts. Safety first, at all times.
5. Move Your Body
Need a rush? Do cardio. Seriously. Exercise releases endorphins, too—and it’s a healthy way to burn off some of that high energy while you’re studying and waiting.
6. Write It Out
Journaling can assist you in working through your thoughts, feelings, wants, and fears. It’s also an excellent method to monitor your progress over time.
7. Remind Yourself to Slow Down
Tape a big sign somewhere prominent if you have to. In bold marker, write: “SLOW THE F*CK DOWN.” And read it every day.
Final Thoughts
Sub-frenzy doesn’t mean you’re weak or reckless; it means you’re human. Discovering kink can be thrilling, empowering, and magical. But it also deserves the same level of caution and care you’d bring to any intense physical or emotional experience.
Take your time. Explore mindfully. Surround yourself with good people. And remember, BDSM isn’t a race. It’s a journey.
And you have plenty of time.
(based on an article by Kate Kinsey)
Want to know more? Stay tuned for upcoming posts in which we’ll delve deeper into the world of Domination and submission.
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