Herra's Blog
Welcome to a personal exploration of the BDSM world, where curiosity, vulnerability, and discovery intersect. This blog captures the questions I’ve asked, the thoughts that have shaped me, and the moments that have challenged and inspired me along the way. It’s not a guide, but a reflection, a space to share the evolving journey into kink, connection, and self-understanding.
Permission to Not Like Everything:
A Lesson From a recent event. At the weekend, I went to a kink event, nothing unusual about that as I regularly attend events but this one triggered something different. I’ve been part of the BDSM community long enough that the smell of leather, the low murmur...
Rediscovering My Dominance
Reflections on Returning to Authentic Control as a Male Dom There was a time when my dominance felt effortless. It wasn’t something I had to think about or construct, it was simply part of who I was. The way I carried myself, the energy I brought into a room,...
When the Cain Becomes a Crutch
There’s a moment that catches you off guard sometimes, right in the middle of a scene when you realise you’re swinging harder than you’re connecting. The flogger feels right in your hand, the rhythm is good, your partner is responding...
The Creative Struggles of a Dom: Making Scenes Fun, Safe, and Exciting
It is its own reward to be a Dominant in the world of BDSM, and its own challenge. Among the greatest? Finding new scene ideas all the time that challenge, engage, and excite a submissive, while always keeping safety and emotional health first. It's a juggling act...
When Two Scenes Couldn’t Feel More Different: A Dom’s Perspective on Intensity, Energy, and Emotional Aftermath
The Myth of Being Consistent in KinkHere's the thing, non-lifestyle people tend to believe that every BDSM scene between the same two individuals will be similar. Same sub, same Dom,...
How In BDSM a Responsible Dom Assesses Risk: Creating Safer, Smarter, More Trustworthy Scenes
There’s a lot of power in play, literally and figuratively. Whether you’re just starting to explore kink or you’ve got years under your belt, one truth doesn’t change: every scene comes with risk. That could mean physical injury. Emotional...
Why “Good Girl” Hits Different: A Dominant’s Take on Praise and Power
There's this moment that I notice when it happens, her eyes get just a little softer, her breath catches in her throat for just a...
Being a Gentleman Dom vs. an Alpha Dom in the BDSM Scene.
During my journey so far, I have come to realise where I fit in the spectrum of dominance. I have always known I'm more of a Gentleman that an Alpha. A friend asked me to write about what I thought the difference was, and below is that piece of writing.In the diverse...
So I am a Sadist, but there are some things I will not do…
I have found that I am a bit of a Sadist. It is a part of who I am, stitched into the fabric of my desires, the way I find meaning in connection and control. Sadism is not wanton cruelty or meaningless aggression to me — it is trust, power, and a silent...
“Discovering My Position as a Dom in the BDSM Lifestyle”
As a Dom in the BDSM world, I have often stood at a fork in the road of curiosity and discretion, trying to figure out not only how much of the scene I want to be involved in, but what types of scenes actually belong in my values, my passions, and my nature. The title...
Finding Myself Between Old Guard and New Guard
When the topic rolls around to the BDSM community today, it sometimes seems as though one is being asked to choose: Old Guard or New Guard, tradition or progress, structure or liberty. But the fact is that I don't actually belong to either camp. Rather, I fall...
The Benefits of Reading a Submissive in a BDSM Scene. Over a purely scripted scene
While negotiation, consent, and established boundaries are the foundations of any moral BDSM relationship, true conjuring of a scene's magic often derives from intuition, adaptability, and emotional acuity. While safety and clarity are served by having a scripted plan...